dictionary

2007-01-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

so....i guess i will keep this blog around, and post in it when i feel so lead.
however, here is the link to My Regular Blog, which i update more or less on a regular basis.

hmm...

2006-12-23T13:21:00.000-08:00

well, the semester is several days over, and i did a really bad job of keeping this thing updated.
i cant decide if i should keep this blog going, or just stick with my livejournal blog.
i'm not convinced that anybody actually reads this blog, but it might be constructive to keep it up so as my writing skillz dont fall by the wayside.

the 'disavow' post

2006-12-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

i have been thinking about this a lot lately.
suppose you had this friend - a good friend, who had experienced a lot of life, and needed her friends to be a support system for her. and i do not use the word 'need' lightly - this friend of yours, all she has to encourage her and support her are her small group of friends. one by one these stories - these secrets of circumstances that have happened around and to her are divulged....story after story of abandonment and abuse; each story progressively more heartbreaking, more appalling. Slowly but surely the intensity begins to wear on you, this girl drains more emotion and energy out of you than you realized. But, "she needs me!" you think to yourself, and so it continues.
until something begins to niggle in the back of your mind. maybe its the fact that SO much crap seems to happen to her; awful things that would deeply affect an average person, but which dont seem to phase her in the least. either this is one very unfortunate girl, or she is a very good liar. of course, as the stories get more and more far fetched and begin to exibit small, yet important discrepancies, and as they begin to contain details that you yourself KNOW are blatantly false, you realize that indeed it is the latter option; you have no other choice but to accept that this girl has been stringing you and your friends along for months.
of course this makes you mad. it pisses you off. all of her lies have amounted to a pile of wasted emotions, and, in some cases, wasted dollars. though you started doubting her stories weeks ago, discovering that your suspicions were right makes it just that much worse.
but, you still know that this girl needs help - not to deal with all of the things that she has told you about, but there are other things that you know she needs to deal with...obviously if she was okay with telling her good friends all of these things and the reporcussions of it all, there is something there that needs dealing with....and, you feel bad for her, in a weird way, at the same time as being completely disgusted with her...it's an odd way to feel.
anyway...i know that is all rather confusing and sort of cryptic, but all of that has left me with this: when does the line get crossed between helping somebody, and letting that person use you? it seems to me to be a very fragile balance.

pretense

2006-11-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

pre·tense (pretens, pri-tens)
n.
The act of pretending; a false appearance or action intended to deceive.
A false or studied show; an affectation: a pretense of nonchalance.
A professed but feigned reason or excuse; a pretext: under false pretenses.
Something imagined or pretended.
Mere show without reality; outward appearance.
A right asserted with or without foundation; a claim. See Synonyms at claim.
The quality or state of being pretentious; ostentation.

[Middle English, from Old French pretensse, from Medieval Latin *praetnsa, from Late Latin, feminine of praetnsus, alteration of Latin praetentus, past participle of praetendere, to pretend, assert. See pretend.]

DELILAH

Run,
Run away
From pregnant stares
And vacant hearts
And hands that tease
The body,
The brain
To perceive
That more is meant
Than what’s not said
Run,
From misguided smiles
And ambiguous embrace,
From half-drunken chatter…
Loose tongues,
Looser lips
Scarily skillfully weave
Caress,
Entangle,
Then strangle
He who’s foolishly taken in.
RUN!
Run away!
Keep your kind eyes
And faithful hands
And unscathed soul
Pure
Whole
And clear
Of empty eyes
And selfish hands
And poisoned soul –
Run far
Far
Away
From the ignorant she,
The Delilah she;
She who childishly plays with your soul.

disavow

2006-11-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

dis‧a‧vow [dis-uh-vou]
–verb (used with object)
to disclaim knowledge of, connection with, or responsibility for; disown; repudiate: He disavowed the remark that had been attributed to him.
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME disavouen, desavouen < AF, OF desavouer. See dis-1, avow]

—Related forms
dis‧a‧vow‧ed‧ly, adverb
dis‧a‧vow‧er, noun

—Synonyms deny, reject, disclaim.

the post to do with this word will be posted soon in the near future...i just have to think about how to write it.

2006-11-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

monk (mungk)
n.
A man who is a member of a brotherhood living in a monastery and devoted to a discipline prescribed by his order: a Carthusian monk; a Buddhist monk.

[Middle English munk, from Old English munuc, from Late Latin monachus, from Late Greek monakhos, from Greek, single, from monos. See men-4 in Indo-European Roots.]

this is from marriedtothesea.com, a webcomic that never fails to crack me up. from what i can tell, all it is is old images from who knows where that the creators have attached ridiculous captions to.

sacrosanct

2006-11-04T21:52:00.000-08:00

Sacrosanct

adj. being mostly holy or sacred. sacrosanctity n.

the wording of the definition kind of made me smile..."mostly holy". it seems kind of like an oxymoron to me. if something has the adjective "holy" ascribed to it, it should be 100% holy. things are either holy, or they arent, right? this word reminded me of something i posted in my other blog earlier this summer, and i thought i'd recycle it on here, as its applicable.

i want to learn to find God in the profane. it's something i've been thinking about a lot...and i have much, much time to think while working in the greenhouse. now, i dont mean 'profane' in the typical way that we usually mean profane - i dont mean it in reference to bad words or things considered scandalous in a religious context. profane is literally the opposite of sacred, so what profane originally meant, and what it literally still means, is just those things that are not intentionally holy or religious; the everyday, or the secular.
so, i want to learn to find God in the profane. it's easy to find Him in the sacred; it's what i've been taught to do my whole life. it's easy to find and connect with Someone in an hour long service every week that's dedicated solely to this purpose. it's easy to recognize God's power and presence in a worship service; easy to recognize when God's been responding to things we've been praying specifically about. but all things, whether sacred or profane are subject to God's authority, right? so, is he not present just as much in the every day as he is in those areas that we as humans have set aside and dedicated to God? which means, if we look hard enough, we should be able to spot him, and connect with him in these areas too.
i want to learn what it means to be a servant through the lady at work who patiently takes time to chat with the socially awkward lady, and who washes all of our coffee mugs and puts them away every day. i want to learn generousity from the two semi-inebriated guys who shared their pizza with an obviously down-and-out woman at the bus stop i walked past the other night. i want to learn to exhibit the same kind of dedication to my beliefs as the mormon guy i work with, who is so conscientious as to not compromise his convictions.

in cases like these, the profane to me has far more potential for realness than some event where connecting with God is planned, even expected of you....say, for example, an event like the franklin graham crusade.

2006-11-02T18:10:00.000-08:00

done (dn)
v.
Past participle of do1.

adj.
Having been carried out or accomplished; finished: a done deed.
Cooked adequately.
Socially acceptable: Spitting on the street is just not done in polite society.
Informal. Totally worn out; exhausted.

Idioms:
done for Informa.
Doomed to death or destruction.
done in
Informa. Totally worn out; exhausted.

doneness n.

i do pick these words out of the dictionary randomly, but its amazing how fitting they've all ended up being. here it is:a photo inspired by word "done".

sensuality

2006-11-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

sen‧su‧al‧i‧ty [sen-shoo-al-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1. sensual nature: the sensuality of Keats's poetry.
2. unrestrained indulgence in sensual pleasures.
3. lewdness; unchastity.
Also, sen‧su‧al‧ness.

[Origin: 1300–50; ME sensualite < OF < LL sēnsuālitās. See sensual, -ity]

I am the editor of our monthy school paper, the Pamphleteer. The second issue of the year came out six days ago, and overall, i must say i'm quite happy with how it turned out. In fact, it seems everyone else is happy with how it's been turning out this year; i've gotten quite a few compliments and affirmations that i'm doing an amazing job with it, considerably improving the quality from years past, etc. i know it's not me alone; i have an entire committee behind me doing most of the grunt work, but all the same, it is quite the little ego boost.

so, most people are happy with the two issues we've churned out so far. but apparently, some people are not happy with some of the content. apparently, dating, and kissing, and the like are very taboo subjects to discuss around prov. in this past issue, one of my committee members wrote an article about the best places to make out around prov. it was very obviously a tongue-in-cheek article, no pun intended, but i keep hearing rumors that a few people took it quite seriously, and are rather upset that someone is going around writing articles that promote such activity.

okay. seriously, we all know it happens. if you are dating someone, and living on campus, it's gonna happen sooner or later. it's already poked fun at casually, so why do people get all bent out of shape when the poking fun at occurs in a slightly more formal manner? when we poke fun at it in conversation, that's not labelled as encouraging it; and when this article was written in such an obviously facetious manner, it really shouldnt be any different.

i dont want to point the ambiguous finger and say that i wish "some people" would stop taking things so seriously. but i cant think of any other way to put it. some things are said or written for the sole purpose of being funny, and should be recognized as such. there is no reason to get unecessarily bent out of shape about it.

indomitable

2006-10-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

in‧dom‧i‧ta‧ble [in-dom-i-tuh-buhl]
–adjective
that cannot be subdued or overcome, as persons, will, or courage; unconquerable: an indomitable warrior.

[Origin: 1625–35; < LL indomitābilis < L indomit(us) untamed (in- in-3 + domitus, ptp. of domāre to subdue, tame, bring under control) + -ābilis -able; cf. L indomābilis]

—Related forms
in‧dom‧i‧ta‧bil‧i‧ty, in‧dom‧i‧ta‧ble‧ness, noun
in‧dom‧i‧ta‧bly, adverb

—Synonyms unyielding. See invincible.
—Antonyms yielding.

there is very little left in this world that can truly be described as "indomitable". we've climbed the highest mountain and delved to the deepest crevice in the ocean. we've built rockets that far excede the speed of sound. we've found cures for disease after disease. even the most sincere and fervent convictions can usually be paid off for the right price; the coldest heart can be won with patience and persistence. the brightest spirit can be crushed with enough bad luck and the most cynical misanthropist can be redeemed with a sufficient battering of goodwill.
i came to prov two and a half years ago, with the self-assurance that all of my beliefs spiritually, emotionally, and personally were firmly in place and rock-solid in their foundation. i had grown up, no longer held my beliefs simply because my parents and peers did, and of course, true to the post-high school stigma, "knew who i was". i was, i believed, indomitable.
it's kind of funny how education works, and i mean real education, because it seems to me that since i got to prov, and the more i learned, the less i knew. growing up, i was the epitome of a christian kid. i knew my stuff, which i am not attempting to argue is terrible, but the stuff i knew came genrally from one source. and, as any professor at providence will tell you, to utilize only one source in a research assignment will not get you a very decent grade at all. so, when i came to prov, i met all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds, and all kinds of beliefs about things i had never even considered before. well, at least never considered as legitimate or relevant before. i heard things in class that quite literally made my eyes grow wide and go "is he allowed to teach that here??" and it hasn't really gotten much better since. the past two and a half years have only served to shake, uproot, and throroughly dizzify my sense of what being a Christian truly means, and i must confess that i like it. not that that means i want to be in this state perpetually, but in the sense that i know it is a step in the process toward true indomitibility.

direction?

2006-10-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

so i've been reevaluating this blog the past few days. i dont think i am actually that excited about the formula of sorts that i decided to follow in composing this blog. i've been trying for the past few days to come up with something i was more excited about, and just a few minutes ago, i think i may have done just that. i came up with this idea that, in order to write each new post, i will first open up the dictionary, to any random page. then, without looking, stick my finger on the page, anywhere, and whatever word i land on, create a post from it.
so, for example, if i put my finger on the word invasion, i could use the metaphor of an invasion to describe something that happened in my life that was like an invasion. i could talk about it literally. i could write a poem or post a picture that i've taken having to do with the word invasion. of course, every post would still stem from my experiences having to do with providence college.
i'm still not convinced that this is going to work. i may fail miserably to come up with intelligent, relevant posts for every word i end up with. but for now, i'm gonna run with it.

2006-10-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

i am a terrible listener. really. i often find myself, when talking to people, thinking ahead to what i'm going to say when it's my turn to talk. not that what others have to say isnt interesting...its just...i guess i find what i have to say interesting too. i also have this horrible habit of inturrupting people when i find what i have to say particularily interesting...or cutting them off...i dont mean to, honest. believe me, it annoys me too. i dont mean to be a bad listener...it just sort of happens.
so a few weekends ago, i got to go to the annual freshman retreat at my college, even though i am not a freshman, because as a student leader, i had to help plan and execute it. it's held out at this beautiful camp in the canadian shield called red rock, and amid the crazy gross games we make the freshmen play, the "red rock relationships" as they're called, and the random bonding time, we have worship sessions. i really like worship times...i like singing...sometimes i think i like singing too much because sometimes it ceases to be worship for me, and becomes more of a self-taught voice lesson. during almost every woship session we had that weekend, in the middle of the set i would get this overwhelming urge to just stop singing, and listen to everyone else around me sing. LISTEN. to stop trying to pray and sit in silence. LISTEN. it was as if God was telling me that he was tired of listening to me listen to myself, and that i was just supposed to stop and LISTEN.
during one of the last sessions, i had this undeniable urge to leave the session altogether and to sit and really listen. so i did. i went outside, walked down to the dock, sat down, and just listened. and do you know what happened?
nothing.
absolutely nothing. if i was expecting God to speak some life-altering word into my life, it didnt happen. there was no light from heaven, no earthshattering revelations, not even any sort of sense of peace. but, i was listening. and not just pretending to listen, not planning what i was going to say when it was my turn to talk, just listening. and i think that's all that was supposed to happen.
i still inturrupt people, and i still dont mean to. and i still like to sing. too much. but i am also learning...or, i should say, re-learning, to listen.

2006-09-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

I drove to every restraunt, coffee shop, and back alley in winnipeg today, attempting to find a wireless signal I didn't have to pay six bucks an hour for, or that didn't require a password for me to log onto to use, in order to do this blog assignment. It was an arduous and frustrating task, I must say, but I am sufficiently pacified as I munch on a piece of triple berry cheescake in the ambience of the local Smitty's. Any assignment requiring me to eat cheesecake in order to get it done cant be so bad
So, a blog about my experience at Prov thus far. In three years, one can accumulate a surprisingly vast amount of experience, and I was not entirely sure how to go about conveying these experiences in a somewhat orderly fashion. So, in the end, I decided that this blog will, specifically, be about the things I've learned at Prov, through my various experiences there.
So, short and sweet, there is post number one. And, I gotta say, any assignment that inadvertently requires me to eat cheesecake while I'm doing it can't be that bad.